We all know what the world is missing, and it’s not world peace or sustainable energy. What we need more of—much more of—is the glorious art of the opinionated diatribe. That’s right. I’m talking about the kind of hot-blooded, unfettered rant that causes people to raise an eyebrow and clutch their pearls before being barreled over by the unstoppable force of your verbal righteousness. In a world obsessed with civility and “nuanced conversation,” I’m here to loudly declare that what we’re really missing are more righteous diatribes.

Civil Discourse is Overrated (And Boring)

People say, “Let’s have a civil discussion.” But civil discourse is like attending a dinner party where everyone’s politely nibbling on salad and discussing federal interest rates. It’s a snooze-fest. You know what’s not boring? Explaining to someone what a complete and utter waste of time sportscasts are, vehemently proclaiming your detest for them, knowing fully your unmitigated assault on their interests may sever all human ties you possess.

Diatribes aren’t about being reasonable. They’re about being unapologetically right in a world that’s terrified of being wrong. When was the last time you read a well-reasoned, sensible piece of writing and thought, “Wow, this really changed the way I view the universe”? Exactly. Now, when’s the last time you read a diatribe so fiery that you immediately texted your friend saying, “You have to read this! It’s ridiculous, but I agree with every word”? THAT’s the magic of a diatribe.

The World Needs Therapy, Not Thoughtful Debates

Let’s face it—everyone could use a good rant. We’re all just walking around holding in our frustrations like emotional pressure cookers waiting to explode. Did you hear that someone just said “Moonlight Sonata is overrated” in a public forum? That right there, my friend, is a prime opportunity for a finely  crafted diatribe.

Why spend hours pondering how best to express your thoughts about social justice when you can just scream into the abyss about the utter travesty that is “deep-dish pizza”? It’s therapeutic. It’s liberating. And it feels fantastic to just let it all out. Who needs yoga when you can release that pent-up rage with a tirade that sets the internet ablaze?

The Power of “Shutting People Down”

You want to know what a truly effective diatribe does? It silences everyone in the room. It drops an opinion so strong, so unassailable, that no one can come back with anything except weak, stammering rebuttals. You don’t just express an opinion; you dominate the conversation. It’s not about hearing “both sides.” It’s about hearing your side at maximum volume and refusing to let anyone interrupt.

Want to write a blog post on why the world should adopt your political views? You could present a reasoned argument, or you could make an explosive diatribe and claim that “anyone who doesn’t see things my way clearly failed kindergarten.” That’s the power of the diatribe. It doesn’t leave room for debate. It just leaves the other person questioning their entire existence.

They’re Just So Fun to Write (And Read)

When’s the last time you had fun writing a diplomatic, measured essay? Never, right? But when you’re writing a diatribe? Pure joy. It’s the literary equivalent of being handed a microphone and allowed to shriek whatever you want. Have a bad day at work? Time for a diatribe about how much modern office culture is an unbearable grind. Someone post a hot take about the best style of pizza? Oh, it’s on.

A good diatribe doesn’t worry about logic. It doesn’t care if it’s making friends. It just delivers an experience—a glorious, chaotic, unapologetic experience that demands attention. And honestly, isn’t that what we all want? To be heard, to be understood, to make people feel something? A well-crafted diatribe is guaranteed to do that and more.

In Closing:

Here’s the thing: if you’re not writing diatribes, you’re missing out. The world needs more fire-breathing rants, more over-the-top declarations, and definitely more wild, unfettered opinions. Let’s bring the diatribe back into the spotlight and let it shine like the angry beacon it was meant to be. Get out there and rage, my friends. The world won’t rage without you.